Update on this blog

I have decided that the time is right to merge my blogs together. I currently run a few blogs (this one about my grief, a parenting and lifestyle blog, and a book club blog). Phew! The two main blog sites, this one and ‘Mummy Writes…’, my lifestyle blog, have always run separately.

In the early months and years after Abi’s death I needed to write about grief and this blog was the focus, but as time has passed I have had two more children, I still work, I still have opinions, and life carries on. Life is very different in many ways and my perspective has changed, but there is also much that continues as before.

I felt a separate blog was more appropriate at first as I was mindful of my readers and that they wouldn’t want to read about the mountains of nappies or family outings, especially if they’ve just found my blog having been recently bereaved.

I was also mindful of my children and their friends reading my hard posts about grief so I set up a blog which was something I wouldn’t mind them reading. Yet now, Abi’s friends are older and while I would not have wanted them to read about the details surrounding her death when they were age 12, if they read these posts today they may well gain a lot from them in terms of dealing with their own thoughts about losing her.

By combining my blogs, I feel it might help those going through loss to read that life can and will be ‘normal’ (to a degree) again. That it’s okay to complain about the washing piling up or to celebrate the things we manage to do (I wrote a post about how excited I was to go shopping alone!). I am ready to show now that life and grief can exist together.

We are all still very much on our ‘journey’ (gah!) to better days but it’s one I hope you’ll join me on.  Thank you for reading so far, I have truly valued your support. There are lots of new old posts added to the site so do have a browse around.


Keeping perspective in blogging

I had a rare moment of ranting yesterday. I suddenly realised I felt irritated. Irritated by people I don’t know talking about emotions I no longer understand. And I again doubted whether this blogging world was something I could be part of.

(For readers who aren’t bloggers, blogging behind the scenes is a community of people who connect on social media to read and share each other’s posts. It’s a supportive community, but like any large gathering there are always people you relate to more than others.)

I try hard not to let my grief cloud my judgement of people’s opinions, but sometimes it sneaks up and catches me unawares.

I’d been catching up on some blog reading. I read lots of the big professional parenting and lifestyle blogs as well as plenty of what I call ‘normal’ blogs, of all sizes. I’m not saying the big blogs aren’t normal, they’re just in a different league.

I came across yet another post where the writer was expressing emotion at blogging. Stressing about upcoming awards. Crying over it. Seeking love. Wanting reassurance. (I’m not naming names, this isn’t what this is about.)

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Write like no-one’s watching

Those of you who follow me will know I haven’t been very actively blogging or using social media for a couple of months now.

Firstly, any motivation to put pen to paper (or rather finger to keyboard) left me as I’ve not been in the right frame of mind. My brain an anxious fog. I’ve had to put every ounce of spare energy into my work, which has been quite positive as I’ve been more productive, have refreshed my business brand and picked up some new clients. But, secondly, I noticed that social media was draining my spare time and energy, and kind of making me feel a bit stressed.

The thing is, there’s something about social media that I love and plenty that I hate, and I’ve gradually come to the conclusion that, for me, developing a balanced attitude to using it is key.

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My Word of the Week – Empowered!

After the week I’ve had, I’m actually amazed that this is the word I’ve chosen to sum it up! I have many negative words I can relate to this week – hard, emotional, stressful, sad, worrying… but I’m determined, as ever, to claw some positive from what I’ve experienced.

So this week I have felt empowered!

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Guest post: Forever 12

This guest post was written by my friend Sarah, whose son was in the same school and year as Abi. As her son turned 13 this weekend, Sarah reflects in this moving and inspiring post on what it is to be forever 12.When my eldest reached the milestone of his teenage years last week, it was a chance for me to reflect – on his life so far and on his life still to come – his journey through GCSEs, A Levels and girlfriends to adulthood. But it was also a chance for me to reflect on my friend Kelly, who blogs at Chasing Dragonflies, and her daughter Abi.

Because Abi will be forever 12.

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Blogging it out of my system

Since resuming my blog, I’ve had an outpouring of writing (or rather overthinking!) and have realised I’ve posted around 20 new blogs in just two weeks! Yikes!

When I paused the blog some seven months or so ago, my mind had stopped knowing quite what to say. I’d managed to get Abi’s story down – that was essential to me – and that felt enough at the time (although I’ve since kept those detailed posts about her passing private). I needed to get on and live, and see how I managed. Now, my mind is chattering away to me with the many things that crop up. I recall thoughts and feelings clearly and the words just flow. Often one sentence in one post can lead to a whole new post.

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