You are my sunshine – a birthday poem

My darling Abi,

I recall you lying on your changing mat when you were a tiny baby
Those early months just you and me while Daddy was at work
Finding my feet with this miraculous little person
Who had grown inside me for nine months

I found I would sing ‘You are my sunshine’ to entertain you
It came so naturally to sing that song, it became ‘your song’
I know why now…

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine,
you make me happy, when skies were grey,
you’ll never know dear
how much I love you,
please don’t take my sunshine away….

You were my light and my joy, but now you’re gone
The light has dimmed.

My greatest fear was losing you
I could cope with anything life threw at me, but not that…
yet now I have to.
My worst fear has come true,
now what do I do?

Memories flash into my mind constantly
Like a DVD on rewind
Your birth, on a stormy November eve
How you arrived the next morning
with the sunrise

Your firsts – walking, talking, learning, laughing
Your fun-filled plans to explore the world and discover everything
Our chats, your dreams, things you achieved, places we went…
…your sudden, traumatic death…

I know you felt little pain when you passed into the safe arms of Jesus
One minute you were saying my name
the next you were saying His…

I am thankful that you passed in peace
I couldn’t live knowing you suffered too
But why does grief have to hurt so?

I look for happy everywhere
Sometimes it shines through your siblings
Or the sunrise
Or through a memory of you
But it often escapes me
Like Peter Pan’s shadow
I’m chasing the thief who stole my happiness

As your birthday comes round, again
I will imagine you as the girl you would be
A tall teen, now fourteen
Eating me out of house and home
Selfies and shopping trips
Begging for lifts here and there
Making up and breaking up
I was looking forward to all that!

But I know I’ll see you again
Which is my only comfort
Whether it’s tomorrow or when I’m old and grey
I’ll be okay as I’ll be with my brave girl again
And, although, while I wait, parts of my life will change
Our family, our home,
Please know
That everything I do will have you in mind, always…

Happy birthday, darling

xxxxxx

121111-145426
A selfie found on my laptop, taken on 11th November 2012, three months before my sunshine was taken away

 

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22 thoughts on “You are my sunshine – a birthday poem

  1. You’ve been on my mind a lot this week. I cannot imagine how hard this week is for you. I pray that you are able to rest in the arms of Jesus, just like your darling Abi is doing x x

  2. My heart just breaks in two for you. Your life must seem to be in two halves. Before ‘that’ day and since. I read your posts and can identify greatly with your torn emotions. You have a beautiful family and must continue to go on and fill their and your lives with joy. She is there with you, just out of sight xx

  3. Happy birthday Abi. Wherever you are I’m sure there will be that beautiful smile filling up the room.
    Sending you all love strength and everything else that may possibly may make today that tiny bit easier xxxxxx

  4. Beautiful… Happy Birthday to your Abi…I hope you find some peace today.
    I can’t help but wonder if she’s celebrating with my November birthday boy.

  5. What a lovely poem, and how hard her birthday must be for you… always in your thoughts. The strange/funny/lovely thing is though that my much-missed Mum’s birthday was also the 26th Nov so Wednesday/this week’s been a tricky one for me too… Here’s to celebrating your brave girl Abi. Much love xxx

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